Not to go back to this again so soon… but I am faced with more than the obvious difficulty of secondary infertility.
I don’t think my doctor is taking me seriously.
I first went to see my OB/GYN in October. By then, we had been trying to conceive for several months. I was lactating from both breasts, both during the period in which I likely was ovulating and then leading up to menstruation. She tested my hormone levels, and everything came back normal. I was told to keep at it.
In November, I had my annual exam. I expressed continued concern about our inability to get pregnant. I was told to relax. It had happened once, it will happen again. The likelihood of there being a problem with either of us was minimal, she said, because we’d already proved we could conceive. But, she said, she could put me on Clomid whenever I wanted. You’re young, she said, you’ve got time.
After a 39-day cycle in November-December, my husband could hardly stand to see me so sad again.
I feel like I know my body. I feel like there is something wrong. I’m not sure what it is. I have been charting for several months, using ovulation predictor kits. Both methods show that I am ovulating (I have the hormone surge prior to ovulation and the temperature shift afterward). And I never have to take a pregnancy test and be disappointed because my temperature always goes down before I get my period.
I’ve decided this month that it must be the environment that I provide. Checking my mucus has been next to impossible – since I gave birth in December 2005, I rarely have any (a complaint I have mentioned to my doctor three times in the last year). While we have been using the special, non-sperm-killing lubricant for about six months now, I started taking a (costly) pill that is supposed to improve my production. I don’t know if it’s working.
I’m pretty sure Clomid isn’t the answer. I don’t know what is.
I have had no objections to my doctor before this point. She was wonderful throughout my pregnancy and post-natal experience. At what point do I demand to be seen again? How do I explain that something is just not working right? As I watch Rachel get older and older, I want to give her a sibling before they will be too far apart in age to get along. I want to have my last baby before I’m 35.
I know I can’t plan these things. I’m trying to relax. I’m trying to think about other things. But I’m struggling. And I hate waiting.