Rima’s post about the guy sleeping at the symphony got me thinking about etiquette and manners and generally respecting your fellow humans. I wanted to share a story about something I once did that was so totally and completely out of character for me that it’s hilarious even to this day. But you probably have to know me to think it’s funny. So sorry, this post is probably going to suck for most of you.
I’ve written before about the first vacation Dave and I ever took together, in the context of all the annoying whiny little children ruining my romantic vacation experience at… Walt Disney World. The vacation actually holds a wealth of “isn’t-Michelle-an-idiot” funny stories (including one in which my head, arms and entire upper torso ended up inside a trash can outside the Aerosmith Rockin’ Roller Coaster), but I’ll just share this one.
First, it was June 2000. If you can at all help it, don’t go to Disney World in June (or July or August, I’d imagine), especially if you are dating/married to a man who gets hot when it’s 65 degrees out and wears shorts into Midwestern December. It’s hot, and the entire place is covered in heat-attracting black asphalt, and there are literally hundreds of thousands of people, likely all trying to get on the Hollywood Tower of Terror at the same time you are.
Anyhow, we were exiting the Rockin’ Roller Coaster, and were waiting in the big crush of people who wanted to see the pictures of themselves screaming their heads off (or flipping off the camera or holding on for dear life). I had no desire to see another crappy picture of myself, but was forced to wait along with everybody else until the crowd started to move. Apparently, the approximately 6’5” guy directly to my right didn’t feel a need to wait, and started throwing elbows. Directly into my face. Hard enough to cause a serious bruise within a few hours.
I waited the appropriate amount of time for an apology. Even an “excuse me” would have placated me. Nothing.
I pulled my right fist back as far as it would go in the crowd and I slugged him in the shoulder with all my might.
I know Dave’s heart plummeted to his shoes at that point. We’d been dating for nearly a year, and here I was hauling off and punching some random guy at the Happiest Place On Earth. He was certain I was getting him into a fight that would not have a good resolution. Also, he was shocked, because I am generally a quiet person who avoids any and all confrontation, sometimes at great personal expense.
But there were no repercussions. Tall Dude didn’t even turn to look my way, just continued on his merry path toward certain hellfire. Maybe Rima should have punched that guy at the symphony. But I have a feeling that crowd is a bit more refined than the riff raff they let into theme parks these days. Or those days. Whatever.