Let old acquaintance be forgot

So I went out for cocktails after work last night, the “date” that I wrote about a few weeks ago (for those interested, I had a raspberry-lemon martini and a mojito, and we split an appetizer platter).

The conversation never lulled, which can be killer when you’re auditioning for a friendship. Before I knew it, we’d been there more than two hours. We talked about our families and where we grew up and how we met our spouses and our weddings. We each shared some intensely personal and painful information.

I think it will be a good friendship.

It’s been so long since I made a “friend” that wasn’t pushed on me because she was the girlfriend or spouse of one of my husband’s friends, I’m not sure what the feeling should be like. I remember in college, the last time I met a woman I truly connected with, the feeling was intense, almost like with a boyfriend.

Heather and I did everything together – studied, drank on Thursday nights, double-dated on the weekends, attended hockey parties, went on road trips… She helped me through a terrible time, when I finally split with an abusive boyfriend. When I discovered she was sleeping with him after I left for grad school, I was heartbroken. I tried mightily to forgive her, but I didn’t have it in me. (There were other factors in the demise of the relationship, but that was the proverbial straw.)

Since then, I’ve had a hard time with the friend business. I’ve never felt that “soul connection” like what I had with Heather. But maybe, like with a good marriage, a good friendship isn’t all about the butterflies and the angels singing. Maybe you need to build a good friendship, maybe it takes time.

As wives and mothers, maybe my friend and I won’t be dancing on the bar at the White Horse Inn or playing Cups with the hockey team. But I think we can still have fun. I think we can still connect. It will just be different. And different can be better.

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9 Responses to Let old acquaintance be forgot

  1. Jennie says:

    Gosh what a horrible thing to go through (with your ex-boyfriend and with your friend). Different can be better. Absolutely. Sometimes it’s hard to remember that ordinary can be absolutely lovely.

  2. Vixen says:

    Glad to know the “date” went well. I do think real friends take time to cultivate, so good luck!

  3. mommymartin says:

    Losing a good friend really stinks, but sometimes it happens. Your friend sounds like one I recently lost–a toxic person in disguise.
    I hope this new friendship blossoms into something wonderful. Good friends are hard to find but are worth the trouble in the end.

  4. Christina says:

    Im glad that you two connected! I know how hard it is to make friends too. Ive made two long distance moves and the first year + are so very lonely. Its always me though, I need to break out of my shell and put myself out there. Getting there again now, cant keep little nate in the house we both need some sort of social life.
    Hope you two continue to have “dates” that girl time is SO important.

  5. I know what you mean about how hard it is to connect to other women. Most of the female friend relationships have all ended, mostly badly. I’ve had the same best male friends since middle school, but best female friend? I can only think of one, but I hardly ever see her and she was my sister’s best friend between 2nd grade and 12th grade. Trust me I totally understand wanting a real female to female friendship, and not just cuz she knows your spouse through a friend of his or whatever. I hope this one works out for you. 🙂

  6. rimarama says:

    I was wondering how your date went!

    I think you’re on to something about good friendships being a lot like good marriages. Fairly recently, I leaped headlong into a friendship with someone who, after a few months of “dating”, I realized wasn’t as good a “friend fit” as I originally thought. We actually kind of “broke up”, I guess you could say, when I stopped returning her phone calls for play dates with our kids. I still feel bad about it. It’s hard to make new friends these days, but the strongest and best friendships seem to be made over time, at least for me.

  7. noodle says:

    Ooh, that lemon-raspberry martini sounds good. Glad to hear you had a nice “date.” I think friendships can takea long time to cultivate. Also, you went to the U of I?? My grandfather was a professor there and my mom grew up in Urbana!

  8. Colleen says:

    What a minute….you went to U of I? So did I. And I also danced at the White Horse. I spent my 21st b-day there and nearly fell off the upper deck in the back. Love that place. Where you there when they still had $1 pitchers on Wednesday nights?

    I have no idea who you are or how I stumbled onto your blog some time ago…but I just found this fact about you totally random thing in common. (I hope you don’t mind that I have been periodically acting as a voyeur on your blog…..although, I guess you’d have to expect that since you are putting it out there for the public.)

  9. I think it’s hard to make friends as an adult. The stakes are higher, there’s more to loose and the field is smaller. People I would never give a second thought to have more impact. Good for you for trying!

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