I’m all out of sorts. I feel sad and guilty and tired. See, today was an awesome day at work. We got our “merit increases” today, and mine was even bigger this year than last year, which means that in three years at my current workplace, my salary has increased by nearly $10,000.
Awesome, right? Totally cool, right?
I thought so. But, just as picking up a joyful little girl at day care can totally put a bad day in perspective, seeing that same little girl burst into tears and run the other way at the sight of you has a way of evening out any good day too. She screamed when I bent down to pick her up (after chasing her across the room), she screamed when I opened the door to leave, she screamed all the way to the car. She screamed halfway home until I threw the pretzels leftover from my lunch at her in the back seat.
Okay, I didn’t throw them at her. I handed the bag to her so she could promptly turn it upside down and litter the entire back floorboards with pretzels. And continue to cry.
Then, Hubby is late coming home and in a foul mood. He doesn’t seem excited about my happy news. It’s good for our whole family, right? So why doesn’t he seem happy?
Now, after dinner and cleaning up dog crap in the backyard, I can hear the two of them upstairs – Angel Face is taking her nightly bath, and they are giggling over something. I feel so sad, for some reason. Usually, coming home is like my refuge where I can block out all the lousy office politics and occasional workplace drama. Today, it just feels like I can’t do anything right for the ones I love the most.