About nine months ago, someone was waxing poetic to me about the joys of motherhood and how every moment was just flowers and sunshine and she wouldn’t change one little thing about it, not even the stinky diapers, and how she just can’t remember life without her precious wee babe.
Now, I love being Angel Face’s mom, but she’s only 18 months old, I can certainly remember what it was like before she was born. Before I was pregnant, even. And while being her mom can be a lot of flowers and sunshine, there are certainly days where I feel like someone is pelting me with stones disguised as snowballs. And I wouldn’t be at all upset if I never changed another stinky diaper, especially after last night when it was dark and thick and mysteriously sticky. (Seriously, what are they feeding her at day care?)
At that time I just nodded my head and thought this woman was crazy. I will always remember what it was like to be spontaneous and carefree and without the responsibility of caring for and raising another person (besides Hubby, of course, who can mostly take care of himself). And the truth is, I do remember, but it’s getting foggier.
Maybe instead of saying she can’t remember those days, she meant to say she doesn’t want to remember them. I think I will always look back fondly on our pre-Angel Face life, but that doesn’t mean I want to go back there. I get so much pleasure out of watching her drink life in with a mixture of wonderment, frustration and pure joy that while I appreciate “the old days,” I don’t think I’d want to relive them.
These days – stinky diapers, tantrums, whining, pointing-and-grunting, vomiting, and all – are worth all those other days put together. Especially when these days include moments like little fingers resting on my nose and a little voice saying “mommy nose” and that moment of bliss before she goes to sleep when she raises her tiny soft hand to my face and rubs it back and forth on my cheek. And the belly laughs of a toddler are incomparable, especially when it’s a non-tickle laugh. A pure joy-of-living laugh – those are the best.