A different kind of green monster

Fingerpaints aren’t toxic, right? 

I know I checked on the box first, but there’s just something about looking at your screaming child with green hands, green teeth and a pool of green paint on her tongue to make you want to be REALLY SURE that what you just gave her isn’t going to kill her. 

The finger-painting excursion had the best of intentions – they were actually purchased weeks ago as a reward for 15-month-old Angel Face for some now-forgotten spate of good behavior. Saturday, after I returned from a grueling, multi-hour trip to the Bureau of Motor Vehicles (I’m not alone here, see how the Amalahs spent their Friday), I thought it was time to see how she liked them. 

Mistake #1: I had read somewhere on the Internet that taping the paper down helps with younger kids. Since everything I read on the Internet is necessarily gospel, I attempted to do so. The lovely Internet people neglected to mention that you should probably do that before your kid is seated at the table, especially if she likes to rip up said paper and crumple it for her own amusement. Repeatedly. 

I actually told her to stop it because I was trying to let her have some FUN for god’s sake and PLEASE stop smacking my butt it only got that big when I had to gestate YOU for 38 weeks. 

Mistake #2: I tried opening the brand new fingerpaints and squirting some on the side of one of the papers, only to discover they were carefully sealed with adult-proof plastic. It wasn’t even the nice kind with the “pull here” tab or that could be easily punctured. Luckily, Husband was outside fixing an assembly error (it took two hours to put the thing together WRONG) to the new grill and a screwdriver was readily available (but out of the child’s grasp, of course). So I punctured the green paint and happily squirted a pile out for Angel Face to paint. 

The problem arose when I tried to add the other three colors. By the time I got to the second one, she was already well on her way to paint ingestion and, determined mommy that I am, I refused to abandon the prospect of FUN, dammit! 

Let’s just say the screaming started shortly after, and Husband even had the class to laugh at me while I frantically looked for something to de-green the child. Of course, she wouldn’t open her mouth and refused to take a drink so she walked around with green teeth and tongue for nearly an hour. I’m sure our friends who stopped by are supremely impressed with our parenting skills. 


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3 Responses to A different kind of green monster

  1. whitewitch says:

    Please tell me you took pictures. There should always be pictures of finger painting.

  2. heather says:

    I should post the picture where my son looks like the hulk. I think this is something we all go through with little ones. My son can color himself with crayons and it stays for hours. When we colored Easter eggs last week he decided to dunk his whole hand in the dye. I know its fustruating when its happening, but all you can do is look back and laugh later.

  3. She is a doll! I believe that is why preschool was invented–so kids could fingerpaint and someone else has to clean it up! lol

    When my guys were really little, I let them “fingerpaint” with vanilla yogurt that I added a little food color (just a tiny bit) to. I put different colors in a muffin tin. Then I let them “paint” on their high chair table. When they ended up eating half of it, no prob. Afterward, I’d just stick everyone in the bath and let them play with soap crayons too.

    I miss those days! (PS your little girl is just about adorable!)

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