I’ve decided that first entry was a terrible introduction to the really wonderful world of me. But, for the sake of posterity, I’m going to keep it. Plus, I don’t know much about this whole blog thing quite yet, so I’m not sure if in deleting the first post I’d delete the entire thing or not. So, so scary, the big Internet.
To better clarify Who I Am and What I Stand For (I hate ending even phrases in prepositions), I will offer the following comments:
1. I am a wife and the mother of one beautiful little girl.
2. I’d like to have more kids (most days), but I think my husband is worried about the expense.
3. I hate to shop. Except grocery shopping. I know, anti-woman or something. But I still love pretty clothes and kicky shoes. I just wish someone else would buy them for me.
4. I got my master’s degree right after college because I couldn’t find a job. But since then, I’m not sure it’s done much for me. Maybe I should ask my current boss.
5. I work at a large nonprofit organization in the Midwest, and I can’t tell you its name or bad things will happen. To me. Or maybe I’m supposed to tell you its name in the spirit of full disclosure. I’ll have to review the company policy. I probably should have done that first.
6. I love my job, at which I get to write a lot, talk to people a lot and pretend I know stuff about Web sites, blogs and Internet stuff when really I just nod my head in meetings and use Google when I get back to my office. Don’t tell.
7. My daughter is the most amazing, wonderful, perfect and heart-stopping thing (person?) that ever happened to me.
8. I come from what people call a “blended family” – I am the oldest of three siblings, but my mother remarried during my junior year in college and made me the oldest of six.
9. I believe my parents’ divorce was one of the defining moments of my life. The failure of that relationship and its aftermath guided many of my decisions for the next five years. Only several years of therapy have made me believe things aren’t okay if you just pretend they are.
10. My decision to marry my husband was one of the best I’ve ever made.
11. Despite #9, I am trying desperately to recreate the joys of my childhood for my daughter. Because it really was a happy childhood. Really. I swear.
12. I love terrible pop music, rap music and (shhh, don’t tell my husband), even some country. I started listening to NPR because I thought it made me sound smart, and it turns out that I really like some of it. I know, GEEK.
13. I have 12 blogs currently bookmarked on my work computer. I’m SURE that’s against policy. I don’t even have to look.
14. I used to love to cook (filet mignon with port wine mushroom sauce! homemade ragu!), but now I just try to get something that a 15-month old will eat on the table in as short a time as possible.
15. Since my daughter was born, I fear I’ve completely lost my sense of self (see, you get rewarded with a biggie for reading all the way to 15). I work 45+ hours a week (plus several business trips per year), and spend every free moment with her. When I do manage to leave her for a few hours for fun, I am ravaged with guilt. I am a terrible mother! I choose to work and leave my baby with strangers! I should never be allowed any fun! I didn’t have kids to leave them all the time! I think my husband thinks I’m crazy, or will make myself crazy, because of the lack of fun.
16. Because of #15, I have very few friends. Actually, I have no friends that live close enough for me to call up and say, hey, want to get a drink after work on Friday?, which would be out of the question anyway because I have to GET TO DAYCARE AND GET MY PRECIOUS BABY.
17. My husband wants me to join one of these moms groups but when I was in the chat rooms a few months ago they were populated almost singularly by 20-year-olds with multiple children who don’t work. Not exactly my demographic.
18. On my first day of high school, I saw a guy get knocked out cold with a metal folding chair in a spat between rival gangs. Yes, it was a public school. But it was in the suburbs.
19. I can be judgemental and snobby, but I try not to be in most situations, unless I can think of a good joke.
20. If my house were burning down, I would, after rescuing my family (including the two beagles who are woefully neglected since the child took over the household), hurl our computer out the window because it has all our pictures saved on it because we are both too lazy to back them up.
21. We conceived our daughter in Italy, which was my dream for years. I know, I’m one of those lousy bitches who can just say, hmmm, I want to get pregnant the week of April 19, 2005, and then magically does. Sorry.
P.S. All the Italian wine and unpasteurized cheese did not hurt Precious Girl at all. She’s perfect.
22. I can’t imagine how John and Elizabeth Edwards are enduring something like a cancer recurrence in such a public way. They have my admiration.
23. I miss my dad. He’s not dead, he just lives in Florida. But that’s far away.
24. On my first post-baby business trip, my sister flew across the country so she could surprise me at the hotel. I can’t even type that without the tears coming. What a sweet sweet sweet sister!
25. I want to be sophisticated, cosmopolitan and fashionable, but most days I’m just too tired. Plus #3.
26. I love Valpolicella, pomegranate martinis and cheesecake.
That’s enough narcissism for now. I’m ending on an unusual number to prove that I have no need for symmetry or perfection in my life. HA!